Dear Cancer,

If you judge by my Mom today you are NOTHING. She is alive and under the circumstances WELL. She has more energy than I do and I am not even sick! Cancer, you simply suck!

I just finished typing the last of the notes from Mom's hospital stay and included all of her scheduled upcoming appointments both with her primary doctor and the oncologist/chemo. My mother never, ever went to the doctor before and seeing this line up of appointments is really sad and really humbling. I've never known my mother to be "sick" really, not ever. Sure bad colds, 24 hour bugs, but never SICK. This has taken a lot to get my head wrapped around.

I am not so much angry, yet, as I am feeling blindsided by this whole thing. Mom was diagnosed in December/January with diabetes. HER mother had diabetes so there was no reason at all to think that the cause was anything more than hereditary. BUT.. she had lost A LOT of weight in a relatively short amount of time. She looked grey, not a normal flesh tone or pallor but GREY!!! Not a good color at all.  I hesitated to say much because honestly, Mom and I have never had the closest of relationships and I was afraid I would piss her off. Then if something DID happen she would never admit it.

The day she called to tell me she had been feeling pretty poorly since the weekend, June 1st to be exact, she admitted to me that she had become jaundiced. I begged her to go to the doctor; her excuse? She'd call in the morning if it was not better. I begged to take her to the emergency room. She flat out refused. I knew if I continued to push it, she would shut me out completely. SO, I waited. She did call the doctor on Thursday but his office was closed. She DID go to the office on Friday, and spent the day in the ER having test after test. I got the call to please go to the hospital around 4pm that afternoon. I guess I knew in my heart and soul that I was about to get the worst possible news. I mean, why else would I have to GO to the hospital? Why wouldn't someone tell me over the phone? No, I knew that life was about to change completely. And oh man, did it ever..

I met Mom in the ER. She had already been told she had cancer. I was NOT happy that they told her before I got there, but what was done, was done.  Her primary doctor came in and tried to sugar coat it saying he did not think it was a serious cancer, maybe lymphoma and that he felt that would be curable. (I do not like him much.) The ER doctor came in and talked to me at length while Mom was out for another test. She told me that my Mom had liver cancer and potentially pancreatic cancer as well as suspicious areas on her kidney. I asked her if she was sure. She said she was positive.

I asked for copies of ALL of Mom's tests and they very kindly obliged and gave me everything, including a disk with the CT scan on it. I read the written CT report and as I did, I realized that this is VERY serious. This was more than lymphoma. This was huge.

That night was a blur. Most of the weekend was a blur. I KNEW what had to be done but I could not function. I could not remember all of the things I tell the people who come to my sites to learn about lung cancer, or any cancer! I could not figure out what to do first. So.. I did nothing that night. I just sat on the couch in complete disbelief.

I started a couple of days later to document absolutely everything regarding the tests, results, appointments, etc. It is IMPERATIVE not to let anything slip by. My mind came back to work and we began to get our arsenal ready for this fight.....