It's been awhile!

Dear Cancer.. Die would ya?!

It's been a while since my last post here. No reason other than I have been so busy between Mom and chemo and other doctor appointments.

At least in the past several weeks she has been human to me. I know I am the only person she has to lash out at, but that doesn't make it a lot easier to deal with at times. I have, however, located an online support group for cholangiocarcinoma!! I have gone from feeling like I am the only person in the universe to having a whole group of people who either are CC patients or caregivers or family members. Bottom line? I found people who get this and can offer advice and help and support!! YAY!!! It's really been a wonderful help and I am so grateful to have stumbled onto it!

Now, on to Mom news..

We saw the surgeon who put her stents in last week. He wants to change them but wants to wait for her to finish chemo first. Chemo is slated to end mid December. It was a 6 month course and the oncologist has decided to stop it and we will wait and see how things go. I am not too thrilled with this but more chemo will become toxic and that would be very bad. So, we will see what happens. Next round of scans will be in December as well so they may change the entire scenario anyway.

Monday coming up we are seeing a urologist to have her kidneys checked. The only tumor that did not shrink much was the one on the pole of her right kidney. Now she has inflammation in the left one and the oncologist wants another opinion.Not a bad idea as there have been cases of kidney disease and kidney cancer in her family. We need to just make sure that there is not something else going on  now.

I am exhausted mentally. I am so happy for the good reports from her scans and for the continued good news on her labs. I am so happy to see her looking so well. But in the back of my mind all of my cancer experiences are lurking and threatening to come cascading out all at once with their bitter and ugly realities. I know that this cancer is not ever going to be cured. And I know that once it starts to grow again it could just go like wild fire and be unstoppable. I know that this is reality and I hate it. I try to keep it pushed to the back of my tiny little mind as much as I can. But.. every now and then....


I hate you cancer. I hate you so much. Why did you have to come into my life again? Just die would you???