Dear Cancer.. the beginning

Six and a half years ago I began my "new" life as a cancer patient advocate. At that time I had lost my best friend to lung cancer at 31 years of age. His life ended and my new one had just begun.

Over the course of time I created cancergrief.com, built the site from square one and made it a wonderful resource for anyone seeking information on cancer of all types, including treatment information, resources, helpful tips and support links.

 From there I decided to concentrate solely on lung cancer since that was the one that truly touched my life and the available resources for lung cancer were few and far between. I made it my mission in life to do all that I could to help educate people about this maligned disease, help raise awareness and eradicate the unfair stigma attached to it. My organization, Make Some Noise for Lung Cancer Awareness, which originated on Facebook, has grown to almost 3000 members and has it's own website as well.

Until recently cancer had taken numerous close friends, countless acquaintances but had never directly touched my life. Until June 8, 2012 when my mother was preliminarily diagnosed with pancreatic and liver cancers.

It's been one hell of a ride. And now I TRULY know what everyone says about cancer being a roller-coaster ride. I have been at the highest of highs, the lowest of lows and everywhere in between. I have learned so much more than I ever dreamed possible about cancer and cancer treatments. I have seen first hand how the whole chemo thing works and I have watched as my Mom became one of the bravest people I have ever known. 

I have learned that you cannot trust a hospital to always do the right thing. I have learned that even doctors who are supposed to be there to help and heal can be the biggest morons on earth and some of the least competent which is scary as hell. 

I have learned that even though I have done my utmost to be there for many, many people, what goes around does not always come around. I have learned the hard way who my "real" friends are, those on Facebook and in real life, and as much as it hurts to realize that some people really are all about themselves, it's been a good eye opener. 

Whether or not I will continue to do my advocacy work in the future is up in the air right now. At this moment taking care of my Mom is priority #1 and taking care of me is a close second place. 

My life and my future are completely on hold for now. Everything hangs in the balance of how well Mom reacts to her treatments and whether they are going to be successful or not. Her "official" diagnosis is Cholangiocarcinoma, Cancer of the biliary tract. It's in her liver and her pancreas. It's not a good situation and the prognosis is bleak. But as long as she fights, I will fight right along with her. 

So, Dear Cancer, I just want to say this... I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being. I hate you more than you can ever begin to imagine. I hope you die the slowest most painful and most humiliating death imaginable. And finally Dear Cancer, you can go straight to hell as that is what you do to every single person ever diagnosed with any form of you; you put them and their friends and family through hell. Now it is your turn you evil bastard... DIE CANCER. DIE!!